Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Pious, Prudes of Prevarication

The most Christian woman in America, Betty Bowers, has provided us with a list of "prudes."

Patriotic Republicans Unctuously Dressing Erotic Statues In Christian Rectitude,

self-anointing Attorney General John Ashcroft is doing his part to rid America of one of the Lord's more irresponsible ideas – nakedness. When viewing a recent video of a press conference held in the lobby of the Justice Building, Mr. Ashcroft almost imperceptivity quivered when he noticed the uncloaked breast of the Majesty of Justice statue behind him hovering in alarming proximity to his lush lips. Mr. Ashcroft was so unnerved by this unchaste flashing of the impudent, attention-seeking 12-foot harlot behind him, that expensive curtains have been ordered to shield the American public her shamelessness.

"As a Republican, I don't have much patience for so-called "Art" – unless it's someone singing Bridge Over Troubled Water,"
-- Mr. John Ashcroft.

Mr. Ashcroft has announced the formation of the new GOP civic task-force PRUDES: Patriotic Republicans Unctuously Dressing Erotic Statues. To kick off PRUDES' effort to bring decency back to America, Mr. Ashcroft announced plans for a new, more modest Statue of Liberty. At a cost of $8,900,600, the lady with the lantern, will soon sport a higher, buttoned collar - so as not to give licentious would-be immigrants an unchaste come-on. She will also shed her edgy punk spiked headdress for a charming mink pillbox hat with Jesus-fish hatpin -- and her clingy and all-too-revealing oxidized toga will been replaced by a sturdy calico frock, finished with a crisp, copper ruffled apron.

Given Betty Bowers is the most Christian woman in America, one can only assume that St. Stephen will be copying Bishop Bush and implementing a similar program (Monday).

The Department of Justice issued 655 pages of codified regulations to museums throughout the world, instructing them on what steps will be necessary in order for them to bring their exhibits into PRUDES compliance. At right is a rendering supplied to the Louvre providing ideas about how to address the "Venus di Milo problem." "Everyone talks about her having no arms," remarked Mr. Ashcroft, "but the thing that ticks me off is that she doesn't have a bra either. Those Taliban folks had the right idea when they stuck dynamite under offensive statues. I've given the French three weeks to clean up their act."

I just wanta know WHEN he wrote Patriot Act I - when he was standing down from flying on Sept. 11, 2001 ?

Ah and the man who put the "p" in prude and the "f" in fascism.


Text from the above referenced site, by the acclaimed (or claiming) most Christian woman in America, Mrs. Betty Bowers.


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